light reading

 

The pile of travel books is slowly growing on my side table.

“the independent walkers guide to France”,

“the clumsiest people in Europe”,

Lonely planets; '”tales of backpacking'”, and

“Europe on a shoe string” to name a few.

Then there's the regular must see guides filled with too much information to process over just one pot of tea. Rome, Pairs, Madrid, Sweden, Greek Islands, London, Spain, Belgium, Ireland, Norway, Germany. The list goes on. And im sorry to say that I can’t even point finger to these destinations on a map yet. I am that oblivious to the world around me, hence the reason I need to get out of this place; even for a moment. The attack of all this information is making me rather dizzy, to the point where ill soon need to start breathing through a paper bag. I have to accept that I cannot possibly know everything prior to arrival, and in knowing it all I would push the boundary of traveller to common city dweller quick smart. Which I suppose defeats the purpose of travel in the first place.

Those who travel are always looking for something. Love, new perspective, knowledge, ourselves, or even just an excuse to run from the harsh race of reality. To think about bumping into people on one or all of these pilgrimages will surely prove to be an amusing mix. When asked my reasons for travel, I immediately defend it is to ‘find myself’. As clique as it sounds I think it is a journey everyone must undertake at some point. The extent of how much soul searching comes down to the individual of course…and how many $$ they are willing to sink in the process. Ghandi says that ‘”the best way to find yourself is to loose yourself in the service of others”. Sadly, after years of working in a service industry that grooms the personality out of its employees, I have lost more of myself than I have found. As miraculous a soul as Ghandi was, philosophy is clearly not his forte. And my confidence is at an all time low. As though I walked into the pub one night full of life, and walked out minus $26, faith in human kind and my own personal confidence. Most people seem to think I currently ‘know myself’:- and if that the case I suppose I need a better reason for the trip. So to that I suppose id say ;  I'm travelling to further get to know myself, if indeed I am myself and not consumed by some mischievous imposter. And what better way to prove this then to be thrown out of comfort in a foreign land, surrounded by quirky characters.

Everyone has ‘a place’ on this crazy planet. Wether it be a physical destination of where you belong, or a sense of self that guides you through. I fear that while all around me are gracefully falling into theirs, I am left standing on the edge with nothing particular aside from the sun in the horizon to focus on. Nobody likes to be left behind and I see myself as the mouse running on the spinner wheel. Its constantly turning, exhausting me to the core. But I'm getting absolutely nowhere. However spinning in circles does and will always remain a fun exercise for mice and Fiona alike.

In all my homebody antics I have a feeling I will spend the next few weeks buried deep in my books of Terrifying tales of backpacking gone wrong. hopefully there lies some inspiration….and I can finally pluck the courage to lock in plans for the rest of the trip where I wave bon voyage to my trusty travel companions. I think its taken me so long to decide because I know that in that moment I will have full control of what I'm doing. I could be anywhere in the world: and wherever I am it will be because I chose to be there. Without taking into consideration anyone's preferences or requests, Just all time me time. Scary stuff. Especially coming from someone who doesn’t quite know if she knows who she is, what she's doing here, or where she's headed next. Heck I'm not even sure what my favourite colour is today!